


The Darling and the Prick

by Nikethecat



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, F/M, M/M, Slow Burn, Tattoos, eeeeee, not sorry, nsfw later, sorry - Freeform, there are definetly more characters than tagged eee
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-27 00:32:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18728038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikethecat/pseuds/Nikethecat
Summary: Up until she was 19, Feyre had spent the last seven years of her life wondering which was which, whether the ink on her right arm was her lover or enemy or vice versa.Until she met Tamlin.She knew he represented her left tattoo the minute she laid eyes on him at UP Spring (university of Prythian, spring). Though as the months dragged on she began to fear that he was not be the lover of her life.No, he was to be quite the opposite.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Haha lmao, this is going to be all over the place and let me start by just saying there is positively no updating schedule. If imma update itll be most like every two weeks give or take so eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee  
> Please be nice to me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eee dont crucify me please  
> like i said two weeks maybe???

_Feyre always held a sense of wonder looking at her tattoos. The twisting of the antlers and spring flowers on her left arm, and the mountain, jasmine, and wings covered in smoke on her right never failed to enchant her. Her sisters had always been jealous of her tattoos, though theirs were just as beautiful. Elaine, her older sister, had autumn flowers and leaves and fox fur on her left while she had blazing iron and ash trees on her right. Nesta, her oldest sister, had on her left arm wings and twisting lines similar to the ones Feyre had but were starkly contrasted by a red sunset and weapons, on her right stood a solemn and almost stark looking pool and an older hand reflected on its surface. Their tattoos symbolized your enemy, and your soul mate. For some, like Nesta, it was obvious to tell which was which. For others, like Feyre and Elain, spotting the difference would be much more difficult. The tattoos, from what she understood. Represented the people who they were meant for, or partially depicted an event with that person. Respectively, the tattoos developed when males hit puberty, and women had their first bleed. Basically, once you hit puberty, you were inked._

 

***

__  
Tamlin and I's relation had started off awkward, but eventually blossomed into something I truly cherished and loved.    
When we had gotten together, I had been in a very bad place. On one of my breaks I had visited home to find my father with a women he claimed to love, and my sisters, having moved out, living across town together. None of this, of course, had ever been communicated to me. But when I got back to university, and my encounters with Tamlin became more frequent, he reached out and offered me a relationship.    
I knew I loved him after the first 6 months.    
  
At least before the situation went down with Amarantha Rouge   
  
At first I thought nothing of the women. Amarantha was two years ahead of me in university and had multiple classes with Tamlin since they were taking similar courses, that was all.    
However when the women started saying things about Tamlin and I to the school or to her friends when I was within earshot, I started to care. It wasn't anything major at first -the rumors- but they got gradually worse. So much so, people would come up and spit on me or call me whore and the like.    
Things went on this way with no intervention from Tamlin for 3 months until I had finally had enough and confronted her with an audio recorder in my pocket.    
I had gone up to Amarantha while she was leaving the campus in her car and demanded answers, getting responses like, " you're too ugly for tam," or " You don't deserve such a well qualified bachelor!"    
I rolled my eyes at all of these and told her finally that I had recorded the conversation and was going to go to the dean when Amarantha practically mangled me. She had gotten out of her car with some sort of self protection wand and hit my face with it. It was so sudden and painful I had immediately blacked out. I woke up minutes later with a bloodied face three broken ribs from where I guessed Amarantha had kicked me. As a result, one of my lungs had been punctured. On top of the lung, I had multiple spots of internal bleeding and a shattered leg. Someone, I later found was a man named Rhysand Darling, had found me in the parking garage and called an ambulance. He even fished out my phone and called my family and Tamlin.   
I spent 4 weeks in the hospital recovering and was in a coma for 2 of those four.    
I was lucky I didn't have any permanent damage.   
But after I was discharged and moved in with Tamlin, things just... changed.    
Leaving me to my current circumstances:    
I was traumatized from the incident, just as Tamlin was, but no matter how many times I wanted to talk or try to sort out the maelstrom of thoughts and nightmares in my head, he wouldn't do it. .   
In fact, Tamlin would hardly listen to me at all, no matter what I said.    
It was suffocating. Utterly crushing and worst of all, whenever I asked him why he wouldn't he said it was for her. He said that talking about it gave it power and that they should have space to sort through it themselves.    
  
***   
Yea right, I thought. As I finished my final exam for the semester and was leaving the class, too lost in my thoughts to notice my friend chattering next to me, I was being shaken.    
Small panic sent a shock through my system but was interrupted but a light voice, "Ground control to Major Feyre: are you coming or no?"    
I turned to Morrigan and a course of heat went to my cheeks in embarrassment. I hadn't realized Morrigan was asking after me.    
"Uh, repeat that again please?" I asked sheepishly. She gave me a flat look.   
In the lapse of silence I began to study my beautiful friends face. Someone as gorgeous as Morrigan shouldn't have been physically possible to produce without surgery and photoshop. Her golden hair tumbled in curls down to her lower back and her rich honey brown eyes had enough intelligence behind them to startle someone thinking she was anything otherwise. Which happened a lot considering the thing most people noticed right after meeting her was her knockout, hourglass figure. Her chest wasn't larger than average per-say but her waist was almost impossibly, naturally nipped. Her tattoos were also a marvel, but unlike mine having more solid shapes hers were a mess of lines and patterns of brilliant color. For a moment, I thought to my own haggard appearance.    
My once golden-brown and luminous hair was now limp and muted, my once full figure hollowed and the warmth of my skin leached to a sickly pallor. I looked away to find another subject to person watch when Mor began speaking again. Her voice so laced with concern it drew my eyes back to hers, "Feyre, you need to get out of the house, it's been three months since you were discharged and I know you haven't been entirely up to group hangouts but you can't stay cooped up inside forever," she stopped and shook her head looking back into my eyes for emphasis," it's not good for you!"    
I watched Mor again, and knew that she was worried for me, a lot of people were.   
As they should be, some resentful part of me reminded.    
But I just...    
I didn't have the energy to want to do anything, especially arguing with Tamlin. He was so stubborn and I knew my wanting to go would earn one of his disapproving speeches...   
I opened my mouth to decline when Mor put a hand over it and whispered in quiet anger, "Feyre Archeron, if you say no because you are too tired to bother asking your abusive ass boyfriend to go, I will personally go with you and ask, and if he still says no I'll just drag you out with me. Got it?"    
I froze.   
I don't know how Morrigan had guessed at the reason why I wasn't going out after adjusting to my new home and trauma. It was only after a recheted month of vomiting almost every night or hardly sleeping at all that I had mustered the courage to attempt to visit my friends. Except when I had asked Tamlin he gave me a flat no, telling me I needed more rest and that if I truly wanted to go somewhere, I could go with him or his best friend Lucien.   
Not to mention, his flat out hatred for Mor and anyone else I deemed as friends that he hadn't introduced me to.    
I sighed and dropped my head a smidge, continuing my walk out of the classroom.    
"Look Morrigan," I sighed and looked at her," I really would like to go, but even if I did ask, you know he'd only send someone with me or go there himself, " I bit my lip trying to muster some confidence to sound neutral and not miserable, "He's only just started letting me go out by myself, I don't want to push it..." I trailed.   
I began to pick at my nails to avoid Mor's stare when I heard her huff of frustration,    
"I understand how you feel here Feyre, I really do, but this isn't healthy for either of you." She grabbed my shoulders to force look at her, her eye lined with silver as she began, "I'm worried Feyre, you've lost so much weight these three months and you hardly smile and mean it. I'm scared for you okay? Please just let me do this one thing!"    
Her eyes were shining with the trace of tears and I immediately felt bad. I knew she was worried, hell even my family had reached out when I was in the hospital, but seeing her like this...   
I shook my head. She'd have to do some serious convincing to get him to say yes, but maybe?   
I looked at Mor, stifled another sigh, and mumbled an okay. Mor gave a comforting smile, subtly leaving the conversation.    
Finally   
In silence we made our way to the door and with a start I realized that if Morrigan wanted to try and convince him, she could do it right now.    
He wore a green hoodie and light wash jeans with converse. His hair was in a messy bun and he looked positively exhausted. He gave me a small smile and said hello to the both of us. I felt small pit of worry open in my stomach, he was definitely going to yell at me later.   
He refused to look in her direction for a moment while he tried for small talk with me about exams.    
Morrigan wouldn't have it it seemed because seconds after he started his talking, she came straight out with it, "I'm taking Feyre to a party at my place tonight, she'll sleep over at my house and be perfectly safe. We're watching movies and eating pizza and it's just gonna be me, her and family, got it?" She crossed her arms and gave him a withering look that practically dared him to say no.    
He finally looked at her and I couldn't fight my cringe at his hostility when he said, "And why on earth would she do that?"    
Morrigan gave him another look and said with a positively biting sweetness, "Because Feyre is my best friend and the fact that she continued her learning after the incident and stayed at the top of the class on Dean's list is more than enough to celebrate with a night at the club-" Tamlin practically growled at that part but Mor continued unfazed," but since I know she hates dancing and going to clubs, I figured movies and pizza with maybe a drink or two thrown in would be fun." She threw him another glare and jutted her hip out.Tamlin merely huffed and turned to me.    
I wanted to cower. I knew if I was honest about even slightly wanting to go he'd yell at me, but if I didn't say anything I'd just be stuck at home. My stomach clenched and I barely registered my heart dropping, but all the same, I gathered my courage and said in a shaky breath, " I really would like to go Tam, it'll be fine. I promise I won't get into any trouble." I fidgeted with the hem of my jacket. I couldn't hardly stand to look into his eyes but when I did...   
It took everything in my power not to bleat in panic and back away. His face was set but his eyes were raging, as though he couldn't find the proper the words to yell at me.    
He opened his mouth to say something (or yell) but Mor cleared her throat and started, "Stop looking at her like that, if you have a problem with the fact that she has a life and can make her own decisions then date someone who wouldnt mind who wouldn't you making them for them. Not Feyre." She was dead quiet and I couldn't tell what was roiling behind her eyes, but I knew Tamlin, and I he was about to explode.    
Without thinking, I grabbed her arm and started walking, calling to Tamlin that I loved him and would see him tomorrow at noon.    
We hurried out of the area and it wasn't until we were in her car that I realized I was shaking. She turned to me with a worried expression, "Feyre, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to loose my cool like that."   
I shook my head, "Don't apologize Mor, I was going to get yelled at for hanging out with you anyway..."    
She gave me a look and pulled me into a tight embrace. Seconds later, she pulled away and rested her forehead against mine and whispered, " Feyre you are my best friend, I cant stand watching you live like this and I'm sorry if what I said or how I feel about him bothers you but he doesn't deserve you." She pulled away and wiped her eyes.    
My throat tightened so painfully I couldn't speak so I gave her my best attempt at an I know, buckled in, and then we were off. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, so its a little shorter than last time lmao, and I lied, I had this chapter semi completed when I posted the first one.   
> Btw mentions of dissasociation in this chapter so be aware

Mor's apartment was comfortable and clean when we stepped in.    
It wasn't anything grand, but the beige of the walls, the mix matched furniture and paintings I had given her months ago hung among photos and made it feel loved and lived in.    
Which was very different from Tamlin's condo, which felt permanently empty. With white walls, glass, and floral patterns everywhere they could be easily put and modernized, it felt more like a hospital than a home.    
At first, I loved studying the making of the architecture and the difference in patterns and how they worked together, but now...   
Now it feels like a prison.    
I clenched my fist in an attempt to bring myself back to the present. I needed to stop doing that, the spacing out.    
I looked to Mor who was setting her things down on an island in her small kitchen. Despite her apartment being smaller than Tamlin's condo, it was still rather large. Her main room was an open concept style that led from the kitchen to the living room and than to a hallway that featured three bedrooms and one bath.    
Windows were everywhere, letting in the setting sun to dye the walls a soft orange and with a start I realized I was still rooted in the same spot.    
Quickly I took off my shoes and set my tote on a hook by the door. Morrigan's designers made my worn converse look practically destitute but beside her shoes were another pair of designers that caught my attention: a large pair of athletic designers that definitely belonged to a man. My heart jumped a beat and I quickly made my way to sit on the couch. I sat and wondered for a moment where Mor had gone until I heard the soft noise of a closet opening and closing and then a muffled shout, "I'm bringing you some clothes to change into so give me a minute, I'll be right out!"   
Feeling like a lost child, I felt my face heat a moment but it quickly faded when I realized I would have to change near her.    
My stomach dropped, she felt bad enough already, I didn't want her seeing how my skin was beginning to slightly stretch over my bones and how the lush curves I had were now only ghosts of what they once were.    
Tamlin didn't want to talk about what happened that day, and he certainly didn't want to address the mental and physical stresses it was causing me either.    
The nights I was able to sleep at all seemed to have been plagued with nightmares that could have been blocked out memories or straight up illusions. I had to remind myself said illusions were false when I would wake and hurl my guts into the toilet and struggle against a panic attack in recovery.    
A strange thing indeed, how I wasn't skeletal yet. My combination of insomnia and trauma induced sickness kept my body from fully waning or expanding into unhealthy boundaries.    
I sighed and began to stand as Mor exited her room. She glided towards me, handing me my clothes, and asked, "Do you want me to be in there while you change? I mean, we can change separately."    
I shook my head, "Do you mind if I shower actually?"    
Her eyebrows jutted up in surprise but she recovered quickly, "Sure, bathroom is the first door on the left, use what you want."    
I gave her a thanks, grabbed the clothing from her, and made my way to the bathroom in hopes that I didn't look too uncomfortable.    
Once inside with the door shut, I quietly slid to the floor and put my head in my hands, letting the events of the past hour hit me.    
Morrigan knew it was Tamlin keeping me home, she confronted him, and I...   
I made a huge mistake in coming here.    
I slammed my eyes shut as my heart rocketed into a panicked beat and forced myself to breathe evenly.    
Tamlin was going to rip me a verbal new one tomorrow and then I'd be stuck for the next 8 weeks while summer break commenced. I would be stuck there, practically trapped in a cage with the door unlocked.    
I forced myself up onto my feet and turned on the shower to drown out my ever quickening breathe.   
I couldn't look at myself as I stripped off all of my clothing, taking slow moves removing each piece.   
I did look, however, when I was done.    
It was as though I had detached from my own skin and was looking at someone completely unfamiliar and strange.    
The person's eyes were dull and had long since lost its knowledge blessed grey tones. Her once warm, peaches and cream skin was faded to a sickly white that showed the mapping of her blue veins beneath.    
Eyeing her body was what truly forced me out of my own further.    
She wasn't skeletal by any means, not truly hollow yet, but she had lost her figure to the bare necessities. Once full breasts and hips now smaller and more defined by the muscle beneath. Her once corded thighs now replaced by thinner more weak ones.    
Her tattoos stood out like drops of paints on a white floor.    
Especially her cursed left arm...   
I hadn't realized I was staring until my eyes were burning and I forced myself back to lucidity.    
Taking a deep breath and my running hands through my hair I made my way to the shower and did my business.    
It was nice to sit under the faucet and let the products I knew cost a pretty penny do their magic. My mind was exhausted from it's out-of-body experience, and my body from my countless restless nights. I barely registered my eyes drooping closed when a small knock came at the door. Jolting awake, I fumbled for the faucet handle and turned off the shower, "Yes?"   
I heard Mor on the other side, "Sorry to cut your time short if I did, but my cousin who lives with me is here so don't come parading out in your birthday suit, yea?"    
I could tell she was trying to be cheery so I mustered some bravado and answered with, "Damn, there goes all of my plans of scandalizing your bloodline!" It was a weak attempt, my voice came out shaky but and almost breaking but if she noticed, she didn't comment and laughed as she walked away.    
I sighed and toweled off before getting dressed into the clothing she had provided. The outfit was comfortable, fleece leggings paired with white ankle socks and a navy sweatshirt that most certainly did not belong to Mor. I had a small gut feeling it belonged to the male who lived here, her cousin I realized, and made a silent note to apologize profusely if he pointed it out.    
Towel drying my hair further, I brushed out the tangles and let the loose straightness of my hair to wave and curl as the air bind it.    
My appearance out of the way, I folded my abandoned clothing and set it on the counter not knowing what else to do with the skinny jeans and paint-splattered sweater.    
I let out another sigh and steeled myself in preparation of whatever and whoever I would be greeted by.    
Opening the door, I had to remind myself upon the sight of the man on the couch that I was A) in a relationship (however troubled) and B) to breathe and bite my tongue in order not to turn back into the bathroom and hide.    
The man was stunning with a wide, happy grin plastered on his perfectly tanned face. He had impossibly perfect teeth and his eyes...    
Mother above, his eyes were breathtaking.    
I didn't think I'd ever seen eyes like his in my life, the man had eyes so blue they were violet and along with this he had eye freckles that looked like stars. For the first time in months my hand itched for a pencil and I had to force myself to ask in an embarrassingly small voice where to put my clothes.   
The two of them both snapped their attention to me. Morrigan smiled harder as she said to leave them there and to join them.    
I walked on almost shaky legs until I was almost to the couch when I was interrupted by the man standing and extending a hand. He was wearing long sleeves but his tattoo on his left hand seemed to peak over with white peonies. He held a gentler smile here but made positively no movement towards me, "Hello Ms. Feyre, my name is Rhysand Darling it's a pleasure to finally meet you in good circumstances."    
My eyes snapped to his upon hearing his name, "You're Rhysand Darling?"    
He gave me another one of his dazzling smiles and said kindly, "The great and terrible." His tone was light, but his eyes darkened for a small moment. He meant it about himself, or rather he thought I saw him that way? I didn't know. His hand was still extended and in embarrassment I fully grabbed it His hands were calloused but incredibly soft and warm. I searched for a careful way to breach tampons distaste to my curiosities, "You know, no matter how many times I asked Tam how he knew you he never responded, do you guys have bad blood or something?"    
He gave me a bemused look, "You mean to tell me Tamlin Vernal didn't positively rip my reputation to shreds when you asked after me?"    
"No, was he supposed to?" I asked taking back my hand from the unnervingly kind one that was holding it.    
"Nope, it's just interesting he didn't. I guess he felt bad..." he mused bring a hand to his face in exaggerated contemplation before shrugging," Oh well, Morrigan by the way has only told me good things of you darling, so I hope we can get along." He ran a hand through his raven jet hair, another feature adding to his preternatural beauty. I gave my best attempt at a smile before Mor practically dragged me onto the couch to sit between them. She gave me an excited smile, probably over the moon I met her cousin finally and asked, "Alright Feyre, what movie?"    
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, referenced the odyssey in this chapter lmao gotta use that English class for something other than grades  
> Hahaaa


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haha some angsty fluff?? Idk another quick chapter, I cant say that this is going to continue as a trend but I kind of hope so... either way thank you guys alot for reading!

“You want me to pick the movie?”    
Mor gave me a flat look, “This party thing is for you, you know?” I almost withered but was met with relief instead. At least I won’t be stuck watching something I hate if I get to pick. Thinking through some universally enjoyed films and decided, “ How about Mulan?”   
Rhysand looked at me in amusement, “Mulan? really?”   
I shot him a look, “What? It’s a good movie!” he chuckled, it was a rich noise and again I was lost to his beauty. I didn't know who these two were related to, but whoever he or she was, they were blessed with god like good looks.    
I almost jumped at the contact of an elbow to my left side, and turned to see Morrigan grinning like a madwoman, “ Yes?”    
She giggled and grabbed me by the arm pulling me to the kitchen chanting along to RHysand that she was ordering pizza and that I was her, “emotional support human”. When we finally stopped by the island, I noticed that the movie had already started.    
Wait , when did she even pull it up? I thought frantically. Was I that lost in thought?    
Morrigan’s voice pulled me back to the present and i almost jumped when she started whispering into my ear,” I know my cousin is handsome, but if you stare at him like that you’ll only inflate his ego.” she gave me another jab, “ And he’s been relatively good today so please don't.”    
As if he could every word she was whispering to me, Rhysand half shouted from the couch, “ I know I’m positively riveting as a discussion topic, but if you’re going to speak about me at least go to another room. I'm not deaf cousin.” Morrigan crowed a laugh and I felt my cheeks heat. In almost the same moment Rhysand stood from the couch and made his way over to where we stood. He was at least a head taller than me and I realized as he looked down at me with a smug look that his ego was probably taller.   
I looked away and made my way back to the couch as Mor grabbed for some bottles of water. It was already to the point where she was getting her bridal interview. I felt the both of them sink onto the couch almost simultaneously and we watched the movie in silence for almost an hour until a knock sounded on the door and we all got up to begin our varying tasks of preparing for dinner. Rhysand went and got the door while Morrigan and I got out plates and glasses for whatever drinks we decided to drink. After paying, Rhysand made his way to the island and set the pizza down. It smelled heavenly and I realized with a small start I hadn't eaten anything all day.    
No wonder you’re so tired you moron, I thought grimly.    
I wasn't totally unused to not eating all day, but I typically was reminded of the unintentional fast by nausea. I blinked back into reality, and moved to grab a slice and totally slammed into Rhysand.    
Strong hands grab for mine and hold me steady, but as quickly as they were there, they were gone. My head reeled for a moment but came back to me enough to mumble a thank you. He gave me a smug grin and I saw red. This guy was a genuine tool, regardless of his glorious appearance. I barely remember getting my food or sitting down, but by the time I was halfway done, I was being addressed, “So Feyre, Morrigan tells me you’re an illustrator, are you majoring in marketing then?”    
That got my attention. Why did he want to know my career, and how did he guess at my major? Was it because of Mor and I sharing classes…?    
Whatever…   
“ I am, is there something you’re curious about?” a basic, innocent question. He gave me a glittering look, seemed he was happy I responded openly,maybe even at all, “I was just wondering if you’ve gotten any offers yet? Based off of the work on the walls I’d assume you at least have some?” he gave me a kind, contemplative look and suddenly I felt embarrassed.    
I did have offers, a lot actually, but even if I wanted to use them Tamlin…    
Tamlin saw my career as nothing more than a hobby, and he made that obvious when he responded to them for me, with refusals.   
In retrospect, that was a horrible night.    
I resisted a sigh, “ I have had some but… they’ve been refused for me…” Rhysand gave me another contemplative look, as if looking for more. Morrigan though, gave me a sour look and practically growled out, “Tamlin refused them for you?”    
I withered a tad but kept my voice strong, “ It’s not like I allowed him to do it, I hadn't even known they had come in.” I began to study the beginnings of my tattoos peeking from under my sleeves, trying my best to avoid her heated glare and hoping, for some unknown reason, that Rhysand wasn't looking at me with pity. I felt the table shift a bit and then a tentative hand at my shoulder. I lifted my head, Morrigan's eyes meeting mine as she started, “I’m not mad at you Feyre, I’m mad for you. Please don't feel like any of this is against you.” she squeezed my shoulder for emphasis. I gave her a look that told her I didn’t want to talk about it anymore and finished off my pizza. I was quickly losing my appetite and decided before I lost it altogether to just finish it. This time I did heave a sigh and sat back to listen as the silence became filled with the distant noise of Mulan and Mor and Rhys’s chatering.    
It was comfortable, sitting with the noise of a family. Tamlin’s condo was always quiet, he never listened to music, or watched tv. Only occasionally would he play his fiddle and even that was once in a blue moon. It never felt cozy like this, like it was a home, or that it was even lived in.    
My eyelids drooped, the exhaustion of the past few months hitting me, and before I could realize, I was swept into the comforts of sleep.    
  
-Rhysand POV-   
  
I watched as her eyes slowly closed and her breathing even.    
Even if I hadn’t seen her before, it would’ve been obvious she was sick. More so when you closely watched. It made my heart ache. This girl I had seen only once prior used to be so full of life, her voice full of laughter and eyes with mischief. Now she looked like a living dead girl. Her skin was pale, the bass under her eyes a deep purple, her lips wan. She looked just… sick.    
Morrigan and I's conversation drifted to conclusion upon Feyre's falling asleep. I can't imagine the girl is getting any, and the fact that she is here is at least semi-comforting. Morrigan mumbled something about getting her to bed and her going out to Andromache's for the night.    
I gave her a look and whispered, “Really Morrigan? You're leaving your friend with someone she barely knows for the night?”   
Mor just gave me a look and grabbed her keys, purse, and coat and with a small wave and good night, left.    
I heaved a sigh and went for the woman at the table. Her face was perched up on her cheek and he could tell she was at least peaceful here.    
It made his heart ache in hope's that she at least sometimes looked like this at Tamlin's. Muttering a small excuse me and apology, I lifted Feyre out of her seat and began my way down the hall.    
She was so light, so fragile. It broke my heart.    
Quietly padding down the hall I opened the door to the guest bedroom and made my way to the bed, a decent full covered is a plush quilt. Gently leaning forward, I pulled back the covers, enough to set her in, and began to detach her from myself when she would let go.    
She clung to me, albeit lightly, but still nonetheless she wanted the contact. I had to remind myself after a split second consideration that while Feyre was cling to me, she had a boyfriend (no matter how shitty). Shortly after her light hold, I detached her and set her down, subsequently pulling the covers back over her. She would be comfortable at least for a night...   
I sighed again, no matter the reassurances it didn't help. 

  
I was failing her.    
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha so, btw yall in the coming chapters I'm going to be writing I some tamlin bits where he is a *ahem* tool. So please be advised.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feyre has a nightmare recounting her experience with Amarantha and Rhys helps her out.  
> Not hugely fluffy, but kind of.

 

 _The air was cool in its winter chill as I walked to the parking garage._ _This ends today, I thought darkly, holding tightly to the already on recorder in my pocket. This was the day everything would end, the past three months of social hell over. I was going to confront and get her to stop, easy as that._ _I was on the third level by the time I found Amarantha in her car._ _She was by no means hideous, but she wasnt drop dead gorgeous either. Her long red hair made a stark contrast to her virtually black eyes, and she had the figure of a child, much to match her temperament. I brazenly made my way to the car, holding my chin high and my shoulders square. I wasn't going to allow her petty highschool drama to continue. Gathering my courage I made to knock on her window when, to my surprise, it rolled down._

_"What do you want?" Amarantha asked pleasantly. A shiver crawled up my spine, her kindness was always followed by something nasty._

_I cleared my throat and took a deep breath, " I want to know why you keep harassing Tamlin and I, and I want it to stop." I forced every bit of will and courage I had into, and thankfully it came out as imperious as I had hoped._

_She gave me a look from her driver's seat, "Look insect, if I wanted to waste my breath explaining something that obvious to you, I'd have done it long ago, now leave." She said with a dismissive wave. I gritted my teeth, my anger a hot serpent ready to strike._

_"Why then? If it's that obvious it shouldn't be so hard to elaborate."_

_I crossed my arms over my chest. Thinking smugly that I was wearing one of Tamlin's sweatshirt. She snarled at me and said, "First of all you're hideous and practically a beggar, second of all you are in no waydeserving of such a well qualified bachelor! Not to mention your stupid profession, gods you truly are hilariously stupid."_

_She went on and I chose to ignore all of it. Once she got to a stop in her rant I figured it would be a good time to tell her, "Well, thank you Amarantha, it seems now I have a sufficient amount of evidence to give to the dean to turn this into a proper case. Have a nice day." I said as nonchalantly as possible._

_My courage was quickly dimming as I watched her face contort practically into a wild animal. I turned on my heels when I heard her car unlock and was just running when pain rocketed across my skull and took my conciousness with it._

_Except I wasn't gone._

_No I was watching from a distance as she kicked me, as she beat me with her baton. I watched and heard as she broke the rib that punctured my lung. I watched as she kicked a few more times for good measure and then admire her broken, bloody handiwork._

_And then I watched as I lay there, dying, choking on my own blood until enough of it came out of my mouth that I knew I was dead. And then I smiled-_

  
Somebody was grabbing me forcing me awake, shouting my name over someone's screaming.  
Not someone's, mine.  
I stopped screaming and opened my eyes nausea rolling through me fast enough that I knew needed to get to the bathroom.  
I didnt recognize or care who it was that was holding me, or that who ever it was was shirtless, I needed to vomit and if they didnt move they'd be the toilet bowl.  
I calmed my breathing enough to hoarsely shout, "bathroom" and without recognizing the voice again I launched out of the bed according to the directions, and made my way over, dropping to my knees and releasing the contents of my stomach almost immediately. I was halfway heeving through my second wave when a strong hand found my back and rubbed in soothing circles up and down.  
Another hand gathered all of my hair from face, keeping it out out the toilet thankfully.  
When I was through with the fourth wave I heard Rhysand whisper behind me, "You dont have to talk if you dont want to, but so you are aware Morrigan is with Andromache tonight. I'm sorry she didnt tell you."  
I was too weak to register the words and simply let my forehead rest on the lip of bowl as I wound down from the panic and terror of the dream.  
"Thank you." I whispered, my voice sounding like gravel. He just continued to rub my back, slightly humming a soothing tune. My eyes watered, Tamlin never comforted me like this. I closed my eyes and let the tears roll off and hit the floor, becoming the rhythm of his humming and massaging the eventual lullaby to my sleep.

 

***

  
It was hours later when I woke up, my head was throbbing, but I was comfily tucked into bed.  
Bed  
I shot up, and immediately regretted it. My head gave a painful throb, and my eyes fuzzed. Falling back into the pillow I let out a quiet grown. I checked my phone, that was on the nightstand next to me, it was five minutes past 9 am and I had 4 missed calls.  
From Tamlin.  
I sighed, resisting the urge to cry, when the smell of coffee, bacon and pancakes. My stomach gave a painful growl and I slowly got out of bed.  
I was still dressed in my clothing from the night before, and suddenly all the events from the night hit me in a shock of embarrassment. First I fall asleep at the table, then I wake up the damn complex with my nightmare screeching, and then Rhysand had to watch me vomit my guts up.  
Great.  
I groaned and opened the door. Laughter from the kitchen filtered through the hall and made it's way to my ears as I stepped out.  
Seems like Morrigan is back early from Andromache's, I though semi-bitterly. As casually as I could, I made my way to the kitchen and was greeted by a wily good morning from Morrigan.  
I groaned in response.  
Rhysand look me over and chuckled smugly around the lip of his mug, "Not a morning person I take, darling?"  
I shot him the finger in response, but was grateful he didnt mention my night terror bit. I cleared my throat and reached for one of the already piping mugs of coffee on the counter, as well as two sugars when I decided to pop the question with Mor, " So, were you ever planning on fully staying the night or waiting till I fell asleep and ate something to leave?" I finished with a leveled look at her.  
She paused her ministrations at the stove and Rhysand blew out a low whistle. She continued, but said a little remoursefully, "Andromache had a scare at work and asked if I could come over, I should've told you instead of having Rhys do it," she paused again, " I'm sorry."  
I rubbed my face and plopped down next to Rhysand at the island. Morrigan turned with a platter full of healthy sized pancakes and an equally healthy pile of bacon. She set down the platter with large smile and happily, half-shouted, "Eat it while it's hot folks!"  
I gave a small chuckle, "Folks? Really Mor?"  
She threw me look and changed subject, " So what time did you want me to take you back?"  
I let out an exasperated sigh and said, " Let me shower after I eat and we can go then..." I realized as I trailed in my sentence that I truly didnt want to leave. I wanted to stay with them, even if only to listen to them banter.  
Breakfast went on without much talking and soon after I was heading out the door.  
It all went in a flash, but the moment I strapped into Morrigan's burgandy sedan, I felt my stomach clench in a vice grip. I barely played attention as I gave her my address and she me her way.  
My heart felt like it was going to give way and dread pooled in my stomach.  
Tamlin was going to kill me, he was going to kill me.  
All because I spent a pathetic night with my friend and her (preternaturally handsome) cousin.  
Before I realized we were at the complex and she was walking me up.  
I knew I was shaking, knew that I needed to calm down.  
But as we cleared the second floor, and I saw him leaning against his door, I knew it wouldnt matter what I did in the end.  
This was my last trip out alone for awhile, and I squandered it. My palms were sweaty, and my mouth was dry as we approached him. 

Tamlin didn't even look up when he thanked morrigan for bringing me back, and then, with a dismissive wave to Morrigan, ordered me to meet him in his study once I was... settled down 

_Shit._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha graphic violence in the next chapter do be warned!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feyre does some thinking, also Lucie enters the story!   
> BIG NOTE:   
> I seriously am hating writing this next bit, but it is essential and must be done!  
> Sorry about the lack of updates, I've been nailed with eoc's and a job so I've been busyy.  
> Will hopefully update more often!   
> Also no violence this chapter!

I filed into the condo as quickly as I could and made my way to my room, setting my bag down and practically collapsing onto the bed. 

I felt heavy. I didn’t want to know what Tamlin was going to speak with me about, and I honestly didn't want to know. I heaved a sigh and dragged myself out of bed and in front of the dresser.  It was tiring, the constant dressing up around him. He always seemed to insist I be "presentable".

I pulled open the draw and pulled out the proper garments and a pale blue sundress. 

Almost all of the clothing in my dresser was from Tamlin. Before dating him, all I owned for clothing were few steadfast sweatshirts, 3 dresses, a few pairs of jeans and flannel shirts of all colors. I had a tee-shirt or two, but I preferred flannel to cotton. 

I heaved a small sigh, after 2 months of dating him he became more insistent on my wardrobe and ended up taking me shopping for clothing in a mad spree one afternoon. He had an eye for flouncy, springtime clothing and colors. Almost the entirety of my clothing was of pastels, not much dark colors besides the few gem tones I had. I didn't bother to look myself over as I stripped away yesterday's clothing and put on today's. I was exhausted enough from last night's nightmare that I knew I could sleep for at least a day or two, however I pushed that thought aside. 

I needed to hurry up and get to the study before Tamlin had anything else to yell at me about. I pulled the brush that was sitting on the dresser through my somehow still clean looking hair and moved to the door. A wave of nauseating distaste hit me so hard I might have fallen had I not been clutching the door knob. When did I become so easy to order around? 

When did I start to hate being doted on by him? 

When did I start to hate myself for it? 

Why? 

My breathing picked up and I had to physically pinch myself to get myself to open the door and robotically move down the hall to the study. 

Tamlin's study was always bright and spring like. True to his last name (Vernal), Tamlin loved florals and spring aesthetics, and his office reflected that. Rich cherry wood furniture placed with careful attention so that the clients that came in never felt crowded by the smaller space. Though you would never mistake him for anything other than the leader of the conversation with his desk the way it was. 

Tamlin's large, antique desk was toward the back of the room, leaving you to face either him, or the door. Essentially, you were forced to hear him. I sighed quietly and made my way to one of the sitting chairs. 

I needed to stop antagonizing him, he did a lot for me. 

Tamlin had his head bent over a specific piece of paper as he read it over before signing it and standing from the desk. 

Tamlin was taller than me, but not toweringly so. He had a very rugged, outdoors appearance to him, even with his designer clothing, and with his long blond hair and green eyes he looked like spring incarnate. Gods he was handsome, even if he could be a territorial beast sometimes. 

His eyes met mine from the desk and softened. At least, I knew he loved me through all of this. Quietly he made his way to sit next to me and said sweetly, " I'm inviting some friends over tonight to celebrate your recovery and your being Dean's list, Ianthe will be here shortly to get you ready. How do you feel?" 

My heart dropped at the information he'd so easily dumped on me. The abandon he felt in just giving me information and being concerned about me was always odd. 

I resisted the urge to sigh and looked him in the eyes and said, "I'm just a bit wiped from exams, you said the party is tonight? When did you start to plan it?" 

I tried to divert the conversation away from me. Though what I said wasn't a complete lie, I wanted nothing to do with whatever party he had planned. 

Tamlin always had fun at them, I on the other hand, did not. 

Whether I liked it or not, I was born into this world as a wall flower of the worst kind. No matter what I did, the only way to get me to do anything extraordinary at a party was to get me blackout drunk, and that also would end badly. 

He looked me over and looked like he was suppressing more questions. Whatever it seemed he wanted to ask, I didn't want to know. 

Seeming to sense my closure, Tamlin sighed and gave me a sad look, aptly ignoring my question. Huffing again he lifted from the seat and walked back to his desk, not even bothering to look at me as he told me to go take a nap and that the party was at 6. 

An adequate dismissal. 

I quietly left the study and walked back to my room, finally collapsing into bed and doing as I was told. 

Sleeping. 

 

***

 

I awoke at hours later when a gentle knock sounded at the door. I was almost in the exact same spot I had fallen onto except now I was no longer wearing a bra. 

Figures, I thought wryly. I groaned and practically fell over myself getting out of bed. 

Who ever was at the door was kind enough to wait for me, so not Ianthe. 

Thank the gods, I didn't think I could deal with her... antics at the moment. 

I didn't hate Ianthe by any means, but the woman was a snake and if I could avoid her I did. Realizing moments later how much sleep I truly needed, I felt as though I wanted to cry but begrudgingly made my way to the door and opened it. 

It was Lucien, looking semi-worried and definitely as tired as I felt. Stepping aside, I let the redhead in and walked back to my bed. 

He sat down with me and looked me over.

"You doing alright? You look tired as hell." He stated. 

I gave him a small scowl, besides Morrigan, Lucien was my best friend and was the only rock I had in my current situation that Tamlin approved of.

He chuckled from beside me and nudged me, looking down into his hands before he spoke, " I tried to convince him to keep it small, I hope he sticks to that," he looked to the side," though with Ianthe coming, I already know I'm going to have a dreadful time." 

That was right, it always gave me a start to remember that Lucien had a fiance prior to my knowing him. He was only 23, but according to Tamlin, he and Jesminda were perfect for each other. 

That is until Ianthe. 

Ianthe liked Lucien. A lot. And she made that very clear a month before his wedding when she had his brothers set up an event she could be at, where she then sexually assaulted him in front of his fiance. Jesminda didn't understand what was happening, she thought Lucien was enjoying it, threw her ring at him, and left the event. 

According to Tamlin, no reconciliation could be had between the two even when Jesminda heard the whole story, Lucien was still hurt she believed he would do that to her and couldn't stay in the relationship with that kind of guilt. 

Tamlin always believed Ianthe's acting up was due to her alcohol consumption, but Lucien felt, and feels, otherwise. 

The event happened two years ago, but I have a feeling Lucien will always hold a grudge against Ianthe. 

I blew out a soft sigh and nudged him. He looked down at me, his golden prosthetic following his other eye's movement. I gave him a small smile and said, "I can always accidentally spill wine on her so she has to dramatically leave, if you want?" 

His eye lit with mischief, "As much as I'd love that, I don't think you'd want to deal with the scene she's cause. Just saying." He amended giving me a smirk. 

I rolled my eyes then looked at him seriously, "I will do it. If you need me to, it's done." 

He gave me a look and with a weary smile, shook his head and stood. His vermillion hair shining in the early afternoon light.

He sighed once he stood and looked me in the eyes, "I don't want you going out of your way to defend my honor, Feyre, but I do appreciate it. I'm gonna go talk to Tamlin about business, shout if you need me." 

And with that Lucien left.

His presence left a void in the room, enough of a void, that I decided to slip back into bed and sleep for another hour. 

Within seconds of my head hitting the pillow, I was swept into oblivion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha ,, violence next chapter  
> Just a heads up.


End file.
